You will notice it if you come to France. Especially into the countryside, and especially when driving through a village. The French stare. I mean they stare a lot, at least to non-French people. At first it is very disconcerting, especially when driving. Do I somehow know you?! Is there something wrong with my car?! After a few years, you almost don’t notice it. Almost.
But it turns out there is more to just strangers in the street staring at you as you pass by. There is the glare stare. And there is my favourite, the are you interested in me stare. You see that although the French language sounds beautiful, and is very eloquent in its debate and discussion, the stare is another level of communication. One without words, but I’ve discovered, equally communicative.
Stranger Danger
So let’s start with the passing through a village stare. And it is important to note we are outside of Paris. This happens much much more the more rural you go. First, there is what some term the French glare. It actually really isn’t a glare. It is more a simple hiding of emotion. The precursor to the stare, if you will. The French face at rest, and giving away nothing.
As someone who has lived in the USA this is particularly noticed in contrast as people often smile at strangers they pass in America. Yet in France it is the complete opposite. A smile from a stranger here is a warning of stranger danger. Smiles are reserved for actual interactions, not passing by. There’s an unspoken seriousness in public spaces that can be startling to newcomers, amplified by the famously unreadable French resting face. Unless it wants to be read.
In France, warmth isn’t expressed through random smiles or polite small talk—it’s communicated through intentional, ritualized interactions. The bonjour matters. The acknowledgment matters. Kindness isn’t scattered freely; it’s deliberate. And in the meantime, that reserved resting face, to some a glare, to others a stare awaits what you are going to say or do.
Eye Contact
If you spend any significant time in France, you will discover that the French people make more eye contact than those from other cultures, particularly English speakers. Maintaining eye contact for some cultures is considered disrespectful whilst with others it can be seen as conveying assurance. In France, you can come across as evasive or secretive if you make too little eye contact. Yet, if you do too much you could come across as impolite or wishing to date. French eye contact is a delicate dance with deep cultural significance.
Eye contact is not merely about looking. In France, it plays several crucial social roles, such as signaling that you are fully engaged and attentive, as opposed to disinterest or boredom. It also conveys honesty, since looking someone in the eyes is seen as a sign of straightforwardness and trustworthiness. Beyond this, eye contact helps establish connection by building rapport and a sense of intimacy, even in casual exchanges, while the balance of how much eye contact you maintain subtly sets social boundaries and defines the tone of the interaction.
And you thought just learning French was all you had to do?! Mais, non! To communicate in France is not just done through words. Gestures and facial expressions play a very large part too. It’s already known by most that Latin languages also use a lot of hand movements to aid in the description. Now we can add in the face as well. The lift of an eyebrow, or lip, if you think about it can convey or add another nuance to a conversation.
Rural vs Urban
You will also find the intensity of the French stare is more noticeable in more rural areas. I certainly noticed it less in Paris, in example, but then there is much more diversity of cultures there, let alone the sheer quantity of people. It would get very tiring staring at all those individuals. However, head into the countryside and you will certainly notice being stared at. The more rural, the more so.
First it’s a question of seeing people out and about. Depending on the time of year, you may see no one. (That’s a whole other musing involving shutters you can read here.) In smaller villages you will pass people now and again. In other words they aren’t a crowd, but individuals. And thus, so are you. Whether in your car, walking or going into a restaurant, etc., you will be a focus of curiosity.
It is simply a curious nature combined with culturally it is ok to look longer. And I have found that the curiosity level increases the more rural you are. If we add in that a car creates a bubble, it creates a distance and makes an even easier sense of being able to stare. Or they might just be trying to figure out if they know you. In small communities that is very real.
With Interest
The French stare really is conveying curiosity, an interest. Which brings me on to the French stare used, more often than not by a male, as a way to convey someone has an interest in you. It can be across a crowded room, or up close. The stare is very direct, into the eyes, and lingers. Across the room, this shows interest, done again, the interest is peaked and may be followed up. When up close, often the hand is taken and the stare prolonged. The length of this stare feels almost weird. But it’s telling.
I for one think this stare is such a good idea to convey a deeper interest in someone. Nothing is said, and yet it is understood that the interest is there. Hold the gaze and you convey your interest as well. However, if the interest is not reciprocated, it is as easy to convey as looking away. And it is far less hurtful to the feelings than a conversation such as “Will you go out with me?” “Non.” Which is the verbal equivalent.
This one can catch you out though if you are not aware of it. (I raise my hand.) But having someone look intently into your eyes for what feels very long at the time is sort of a give away. I knew the interest was there in consequence, I just hadn’t realised this was how French men communicate their interest. Particularly if they are unsure. And sadly, I had to look away.
More French Stuff?
If you enjoy reading, discovering about life in France, you will find more discoveries in my French Findings. Some may really surprise you.
If you enjoy what you read, consider nourishing Pumpjack&Piddlewick.
Or visit my 2 boutiques : French Silk Scarf (which sells vintage scarves and more from France) and my Pumpjack & Piddlewick shop, which showcases vintage and antique finds from France. Here’s a taste:
Simply click on an image to see more.