Spending Christmas alone is not new for me. At first it was through necessity of choice, and now it is becoming a preference of choice. Don’t get me wrong, it’s not always the perfect choice. Particularly when confronted with most media showcasing gathering people together, and good intentioned friends who can’t fathom being alone at this time. These can make for some moments of self-pity or loneliness – if one lets it.
But when I actually think about spending Christmas Day as I wish, in fact even these days leading up to Christmas, I actually have a sense of both peace and underlying excitement. There is a heady freedom if I focus on what I would like, rather than what is expected.
Of Necessity
Necessity still plays a part. I have my various animals who rely on me to take care of them. Of course I could get someone to come in and feed them. They after all don’t know there is anything particularly special about this time. However asking my neighbour, who generally looks after my pets when I am away guiding, means taking her away from her own family celebrations.
Add in that my own family and the majority of my close friends are scattered about the world, in other words a long way away. Certainly I could consider going to visit them, but I have never been a fan of travelling during the holiday season. Been there, done that and quite honestly no thanks. Between the icky often debilitating weather, plus the stress of the quantity of others travelling, it’s a very quick way to ruin the holiday spirit. I love going to see them, but definitely choose to do so at other times of the year. It’s a very real Christmas present to myself.
My Choice
So I choose to stay home, which means spending Christmas alone. I am still new enough to my village that I don’t yet know many people, or at least don’t know them well. That doesn’t mean there isn’t some socialising this festive season. I will and have been getting out and raising a glass or two with neighbours and new acquaintances.
And like my choice to stay home, I am also choosing to keep Christmas Day just for me. It’s been a conscious choice, as there is a general consensus amongst many that Christmas should not be spent alone. This has meant actually turning down invites.
Regrets?
Certainly there are (fleeting) moments where I regret my decision. Mostly because I am bombarded by seasonal expectations as well as well wishers wishing upon me what they choose for themselves. It’s heart warming, but is actually the only reason (upon reflection) why I have these fleeting moments of regret.
A truly double edged sword, as I would never wish for friends to stop thinking of me. As I would for them if and when the situation is reversed. Weirdly, what is the most difficult is the sometimes sense of pity that comes across. Like somehow Christmas Day can’t be enjoyed without others, generally many others, surrounding you.
The Build Up
Spending Christmas alone is not difficult, if you like your own company. Actually spending any day alone can be a real blessing if you enjoy hobbies, tranquility or anything that requires being by yourself. The tricky bit is making what is a special day into a special day when you are on your own. It would be all to easy to let it slide by as simply another enjoyable day doing whatever makes you happy.
The real question is whether therefore to make it special. And if so, how? I’ve found I enjoy the approaching holiday more if I participate, on my own terms, in building the sense of enjoyment. For me this means making my Christmas journal cards (usually starting in November). Then spending much of December, sometimes even into the New Year, writing letters. Shopping at the local Christmas markets is a truly wonderful way to get in the spirit (and supports smaller and artisan businesses). Hanging my Christmas decorations, and making a few new ones each year. Twinkly lights turned on to create sparkle in the darker days.
Food Glorious Food
And as part of the build up is deciding what my Christmas meal should be. The world is my oyster on this since it’s just me. And oh my goodness, this is really special. How often do you treat yourself to what you truly want to eat? And with Christmas meals, there are so often many many many thoughts, suggestions, and levels of stress on what should be cooked, and by whom.
As it’s just me, I prefer something super easy, super tasty, with no fuss to fix. Cooking for yourself should never be a chore, or you won’t want to do it. Lobster is my go to preference. Lobster has been my favourite food for infinitum. And I discovered a few years ago it comes to France frozen from Canada. Not quite as good as fresh, but pretty darn close. And super, super easy to cook. A bottle of Cremant has been chosen to add to the celebration. And maybe some veg. French fries made from potatoes from my garden. Some Swiss chard is under consideration, also still growing in the garden. And of course, Christmas wouldn’t be Christmas without Brussel Sprouts. That’s the plan anyway, we’ll see what I do beyond cooking the lobster on the day. I am putting no pressure on myself.
Christmas Day
Food sorted, there are no other plans for Christmas Day. A luxurious sleep in, if the cats allow. Morning coffee and a good book to read in bed. A walk possibly, depending on the weather. Something I got into when living in the UK. At least one sappy movie with popcorn, of course.
And something I really like to do now on Christmas Day, make time to sit and reflect on what has been achieved this past year, and what I hope to achieve in the next. To take time to recognise and celebrate how lucky I am to be where I am. Spending Christmas alone is and will be what you make of it, and I choose to make it special. Just for me.
Wishing all of you a Happy Holiday season, whatever that means to you.
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Hi Alycea,
I’ve ended up accepting to spend Christmas Day at our close friends’. There will be four of us, since his sister, whom I adore and haven’t seen in many long years, will be there. I had already bought three turkey legs and chestnuts, but I do adore their company and finally gave in. Everyone has been vaccinated three times plus the flu shot, which doesn’t mean that we’re still not running a risk, but then each time we go to the supermarket, open our door to the firemen coming with their annuel calendar or speak with the neighbours over the fence, it’s also the case.
The pandemic seems to be “useful” for bringing details of life somehow into focus. Borders are no longer limited to race, skin colour, religion or culture. The virus invites itself wherever it feels welcome and encouraged to survive. Though still teaching to over a dozen students through distance learning – students from Belgium to Bordaux, I’ve come to realize that friends are also acquaintances made through quiet moments immersed in reading and our three cats, a cock and a dozen chickens, plus all of the insatiable bird life gathered around the sunflower packed feeders adds tons of joy to the cold and grey weather.
I’ll be using a Christmas pause to catch up on pastels promised to friends and something I really have missed as preparing lessons has taken up so many hours. I remember that you’re into crafts, so don’t doubt that you will also continue to enjoy your creative moments, knowing that your aging mother-in-law will especially sharing this special moment will her son.
I haven’t spent Christmas with our children for many long years, but have always felt that what really mattered was their daily happiness and not an exchange of eating a meal once a year. I also know from personal experience that being “separated” is as much an illusion as the way our brains interpret “reality” out of what really is the physical world that surrounds us without and within.
Happiest of end of one and beginning of a new year to you and to yours.
Take care and hugs to Maggie and Chewy,
Barbara
Hello Barbara, I am glad you are able to spend it with friends. I am certainly looking forward to crafting. I have another ragrug on the go – using up old socks (works a treat!). This one is to be oval and large, like one used to see in homes in America. It was to be for our living room, but now am tempted to keep it in the office. May just have to make two. Good thing we have a lot of socks to use up 🙂
Wishing you and yours a truly happy New Year.
Alycea / Piddlewick