Throughout my life I have had mornings, early mornings, when I found myself awake and tossing and turning at 4am (or thereabouts). I used to lie awake and get so frustrated because I wanted to be asleep.
It always seemed the more I wanted to be asleep, the more wide awake I would become, until finally as dawn would break I would find myself unable to keep my eyes open and fall asleep. Only to be woken a short time later by an alarm clock, feeling groggy and all out of sorts for the rest of the day.
But no more.
A few years ago I decided the 4am frustration was getting me no where and I would try and do something about it rather than keep tossing and turning.
It started with promising myself that if I didn’t fall back asleep after 10 (or so) minutes I would get up. Or at least turn on a light and read in bed. (And thank goodness for my e-reader, so I don’t even have to turn on a light and disturb Pumpjack.)
I also seduce myself with the promise of a potential nap during the day. I love naps, so giving myself a guilt-free excuse to have one is a wonderful tonic.
Yet, what I find funny is even though I may have had only a few hours of sleep, it doesn’t affect my day. Unlike going back to sleep and waking up groggy. In fact, I often find myself enjoying the drowsiness come night, anticipating going to bed and consequently that I sleep even better the next night.
Now what I do, when I find myself dozily awake at 4am, is use that 10 minutes to enjoy deciding what I will do since I am awake. Get up? Write a Blog post? Watch a film? Read?
The early morning world is mine to discover, and is such a wonderful quiet time to do things in. A ‘me’ time. And sometimes in the deciding, I fall back asleep.
(Written at 4am this morning.)