It was a curious thing when I purchased my wee house in France and moved in – on my own – I had many supportive friends cautioning me about being lonely. There was a lot of worry by others on my behalf about living alone, and in particular about loneliness. Duly warned, and feeling the support, I set up home and waited for the loneliness to showcase itself. Except, it never came.
Well, not in the true depressionistic, OMG, whoa is me, concept.
Being Alone
Living alone and being lonely are truly two different things, but often we equate one with the other. Especially if viewed from a partnership. It turns out, like having children, we are very much conditioned to wish someone on someone else. That’s not a bad thing necessarily, after all someone is wishing something they consider good on you. But sometimes it is easier to follow the norm than to test ourselves and discover what might be best for ourself.
I think I’ve been lucky in having a number of friends who were or are not partnered during my life. They have, with various aspects of their lives and without realising it, inspired me as well as made me question. So when I found myself alone, I was not frightened of it. Instead I very much decided to be emboldened by it, embrace my me time, and see how it suited me.
Truly Alone
The purchase of my house in France, away from family, friends and everyone I knew, was a hard decision. Yet it was also a deliberate choice to stride out on my own and see where this new road chosen would take me. I moved into a village knowing no one, not only speaking limited French, but realising that no one in the village (to my knowledge) spoke English. At least not on a conversational level.
This was isolating, especially in the beginning. Having a new home that was also a renovation project certainly helped. There was less time to focus on loneliness with all my time focusing on doing something. And free time was more noticeable for being a choice, a chance to sit down, read, write letters or plan.
Why Alone is Good
I remember the times when I used to travel on my own. And my goodness, I met so many many people. Far more than I ever met when I was travelling with someone. And many of my decisions in life came out of that time spent on my own. I think the thing about being alone is it forces you, not in a bad way, to push yourself out there.
Being alone also has honed my senses. I live in the now, now. Focusing rarely on the future, just potential plans. And the people and things around me have taken on more meaning. I find true happiness in conversations, as well as the few items I have amassed, those I make and those I now enjoy waiting to find. Each has a special meaning.
These simple things in life have garnered me a deeper sense of gratitude. It has grounded me as well. And in the grounding, a realisation that in creating my own special place, that is all I need. A little nest to work on, to my tastes, and call my own.
Loneliness is a Choice
One of the wondrous things about living alone is that I have discovered it really suits me. It helps that I am somewhat of an introvert – which will possibly surprise many who know me. I do love people, but I also adore being able to come home and close the door. To choose when to be social and when not to be. I’m lucky in that I truly enjoy my own company, and love the space and time on my own, to relax, create or work on whatever I wish. Love that it’s all my choice. And goodness that is freeing.
All of this was discovered when I relaxed into being alone. And also the discovery that loneliness is a choice. Like boredom. If you are bored, go do something. Its truly amusing to me that some people declare their boredom, as though it is the responsibility of others to entertain them. Loneliness is similar. Anyone may or will find themselves alone at some juncture in time. What you do with that time is up to you.
Do I Get Lonely?
I am very lucky to have a job that has me meeting and enjoying the company of new people almost every day. My neighbours are fantastic, looking after my animals when I am away, helping with chores and gifting me their knowledge as well as not hovering. The French (sorry generalisation) are very good at keeping to themselves, but also very generous with their time and help when wished for.
Of course occasionally loneliness makes itself known. But its rather strange when it chooses to. Not when I have a great moment that I would like to share. In these days of social media and free international calls, there are a myriad of ways to share. Rather its more the odd gut feeling at times, more sensation than emotional. Humans, like most animals, are social creatures, so I think it is my body wishing to share space with another. The sensation never lasts long, going away quickly when I pick up a book or go sit with the ducks.
Not being lonely has surprised me. It was not what I expected. With all the concern, warnings and offers of support, I really expected to have to deal with loneliness. It was very pleasant to discover I could choose to bypass it.
And Then…
As for the future, who knows. I enjoy friends, family and loved ones in my life for certain. Special people who care about you are exceptionally important. But do I need a partner? Or it would be more correct to question, do I want a partner to share my home? Hmmm, time will tell. But …
For the moment, no thanks. Life is so good, testing, fun, and I am learning so much on my own. So, I’ll continue enjoying deciding for myself, choosing what I wish to eat, and spending my time as I like. And taking the time to consider that I might prefer living alone.
Enjoying a Simple Life
If you enjoy my musings on life, you’ll find more in my Finding a Simple Living. If you like what you read, consider nourishing Pumpjack & Piddlewick.
Or browse My Shops. They also keep me entertained searching, researching, photographing and wrapping up to send to my customers. (It’s truly not hard to keep myself busy.) Here’s a taste…
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