What does it mean to be going native? When you move to a new place, particularly a new country, is it a question of adapting, fitting in or simply taking on those aspects of your new life you actually like?
I was watching a video of a woman who lives in an old 1940s house in the UK and she made a comment about the need to have a cup of tea. And it made me think about when I lived in the UK and, yes, felt I needed a cup of tea to right the world, share with friends or simply to enjoy. And that made me think about my life now in France. And the realisation I now drink more coffee. Looks like I may have gone native.
Going, Going, Gone
But what do I mean by ‘going native’? Taking on aspects of the culture around you, possibly without even thinking or realising it. It is part adapting, but also, I think, that when we like something we incorporate it in to our world. When you change or are introduced to new cultures, you often learn of things uniquely done there. And those you like, you often incorporate into your own day to day. Maybe without even realising.
On the flip side, if I think about those things I don’t like in France, I wouldn’t say I’ve embraced them. Though sometimes they are a necessary evil. Yes, I am looking at you French administration. So it isn’t like you are forced to, more its a natural progression of understanding, adapting and possibly (choosing to, with knowledge or not) taking on as part of life.
Un Café (noir)
Case in point, tea versus coffee. When I lived in the UK I loved nothing more than a good cup of tea. Especially the ritual of when you visited someone and they always offered you a cup of tea. There was even the ‘you must come round for a cup of tea’ which was an equivalent to America’s ‘Have a nice day’. It didn’t really mean you should come round, more a wishing you well sort of parting.
Here in France it’s all about coffee. At least in the morning. Tea, or more often a tisane (herbal tea) is an afternoon drink. Too much caffeine and all that, though it is never actually said. But like the British tea aspects, there are specifics about coffee. That first morning coffee might be a cafe au lait (coffee with milk), to soften the hit. Otherwise it is simply un cafe, which will always be small, black and strong. An ‘allonge’ is a variation if one wants more coffee in the cup (though this is still small by English speaking country standards). But past 11am, no milk please. It’s very much a tip, besides your accent, to a French person that you are not French if you order a milky coffee after 11. Such are the vagaries of culture.
Downsizing
So once I realised I had gone native with regards to coffee, it made me start to wonder what else had entered my life as normal without my realisation. And oh my, it turns out there is a lot. Such as smaller portions. Having spent my formative years in the USA, portions that were large and you were able to easily take home in a doggy bag (a uniquely American concept) were a given.
Moving on to the UK, the portions got smaller though they are starting to creep up in competition of late. And now, when eating in France, the portions are definitely smaller, but on the other hand there are more portions. I have attributed this to a recognition of waste not. It’s better to order more small portions, if you find you are still hungry, then to waste what’s on the plate by not finishing. Because, no, doggy bags are not a thing in France.
Of Wine and Nibbles
This is true of wine, too. Wine glasses are smaller here. Even in restaurants. Though this does depend on how many tourists they cater to. The more touristy, the bigger the wine glasses. If you go out for the typical lunch in France and opt for a glass of wine, that glass will be small. Not tiny, but just, well, normal. And one glass will do it. Moderation is also key here, something I have realised I have also embraced as part of my new culture.
And snacking. Or rather no snacking. Snacking between meals is not done in France. Food and what you consume is intentional. Part of that whole quality thing again. Better to wait and be hungry for your meal when the time comes and thus enjoy it more. Yup, gone native on this one.
Let Them Eat Cake
That’s not to say I don’t have moments of other learned cultures sneaking in. I do still love me some elevenses. A cup of coffee at 11am with a biscuit/cookie (Dutch version) or cake (British version) – my personal favourite, though now substituted with a French pastry from my local patisserie.
You see the thing about going native, particularly if you have lived in a few countries, is there are no hard and fast rules about what you need to take on. Rather it’s what you like tends to be absorbed. And in my case it has always been cake, though luckily the French ‘everything in moderation’ makes it so much more of a treat than a guilty pleasure.
Dressing Native
Going native isn’t just about food though. There are so many more levels, probably more than I even realise. But as I thought on it whilst writing this I realised that it was also attributable to my clothing. In the UK I adored colour, mainly because the Brits do not (generalising). They love black. Lots of black. Probably something to do with all that rain and practicality. But my Dutch side certainly shone through with my need to do the opposite and wear brighter colours. I loved how colourful clothing brightened up my day.
However, here in France, my wardrobe has certainly toned down. Maybe because it is sunnier more often. I’ve gone classic. Embraced the capsule wardrobe (a few good quality pieces you can mix and match). I still love colour, but paired more with muted tones.
And my shoes! I’ve definitely gone native in this area. I used to love love love high heels. Cobblestones, and okay maybe aging pushed to the limit knees, have curtailed that passion here in France. I have definitely embraced ‘the flat‘. But also again that whole quality thing. I used to have so many shoes, too many (if there is such a thing really), but now I am more aware of what I purchase. My shoes are not only gorgeous, often fun, but also classic and meant to last.
Less is More
So yes, I have gone native on the less is more, quality over quantity ideal. But it’s not like it happened over night. It took a few years of creeping up on me. Add in what’s available where I now live. But even more, a conscious awareness of fast fashion and that even charity shops are now filling landfills with the over abundance, and owning less that lasts longer takes on even more importance. (And why I still love to own and sell vintage.)
Vintage maybe where I am set more apart from my adopted home country. Modernity is more a cultural phenomena here. But I have chosen to kit my house in older pieces. Quality lasts, and to my mind this especially includes antique and vintage furniture. So if going native sometimes doesn’t suit your personality, that’s okay. After all, who would want to be the same as everyone else? Rather, going native should be about adopting those practices that suit you, your ethos, and maybe even your life style at the time.
More musings
If you enjoy my musings, particularly on being an expat in France, you will find more in my Life in France posts. This includes gardening here, food findings and overall differences in my French Findings.
If you would like to support my writings, check out about Nourishing Pumpjack & Piddlewick. Or if you prefer, browse and maybe buy from My Shops. Here’s a sampling…
Simply click on an image to see more.