Every now and then you receive truly sage advice. And sometimes, even better, actually make use of it. I have a friend who has always been my go to rock when I need an ear, a shoulder and a clear head. She once told me, when you get angry or panicky, something that riles you emotionally, take a breath and count to 10. Better yet, wait 24 hours before you react.
Time To
I took heed. And have come to live by the idea of giving myself time to calm down. Time to evaluate, re-evaluate and determine is it worth responding.
If I am angry, it gives me time to decide if what angered me is worth talking about, calmly and rationally with that person. The trick here is the calm and rational part. You have already lost an argument if you are emotional and yelling. People listen more deeply to quiet tones.
If I am upset, the 24 hours makes me determine ‘do I really have something to be upset about’? Or am I maybe reacting a bit too strongly for the circumstances? 9 times out of 10, I am reacting too strongly. It was in the moment. And again, like anger, if I do find I wish to respond, being more rational than emotional is better at getting my response across.
If I am dealing with a difficult situation, it gives me time to evaluate and determine my course of action. Taking the time time to consider different points of view and even better differing solutions truly helps in determining what to do.
Emotive Emotions
So much of our gut response to something is about our emotional state at the time. Anxiety, feeling down, or even feeling happy all play a part in how we react to something that happens. Consider as a simple example, if you are feeling happy and someone cuts you off whilst driving you are more likely to shrug your shoulders and just not be bothered. Whilst if you have just had a fight with your partner, that pent up anger is going to manifest in you probably taking it out on the person in the other car.
It’s not easy to do this, by the way. When your emotions are, well, emotive, it is really hard to step back. Sometimes really hard. Lots and lots of deep breaths. But, I can truly promise you, it is worth it.
So giving yourself 24 hours means you are giving yourself time to potentially move beyond your current emotions.
After 24 hours
If after 24 hours I think ‘yes’, then I respond with a reaction. But more often than not, I have found that an action is not worthy of my time. Sometimes emotions are simply that, emotions and do not need to go any further. Life can’t be perfect. If it was, it would certainly be dull. We need the upsets to make the happy times all the more wonderful.
If you struggle with anger or resentment, Develop Good Habits offers some good advice on how to deal with these : 19 strategies on How to let go of Anger and Resentment
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